Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Kissing Frogs


I’ve been doing some online dating lately… Now don’t worry, I’m careful, the first few dates until I know them better will always be in public places! 
 Although online dating has become quite common there is still a fair bit of negativity about it. A lot of people still have quite strong opinions about it. And I admit, a couple of years ago when someone told me they were online dating I my first thought would be that whatever they started probably wouldn't last, and also that it was dangerous; all weird guys… Why would someone "normal" need to go online to find someone? Actually I still think that when I see the profile of a good-looking guy that seems normal, why would he need to go online to meet someone? I get suspicious straight away; does he only want sex? Is it a different person with a fake picture? … But then again I’m online so why not him?
 Then of course there is the whole discussion about going on a dating site you have to pay for versus one that's free. At first I was thinking that if you go on one that's free there is going to be even more weirdoes as they don't have to pay anything, so you're probably more likely to meet a "sane" person on a pay site, but then I heard about someone that had met their partner on a free site… I've tried both. Judging from the pay site I tried there seems to be less choice on the pay one as not that many people want to pay a small fortune a month to meet someone, and there are just as many crazies! So to be honest I don't think it makes much of a difference.
 I decided to try online dating once I moved back to the UK before I actually moved back here. The thing is I do have a few friends here but I already know that most of them don’t have anyone they might introduce me to that I might be interested in (although maybe one will suddenly surprise me?!), so I decided that I would try online dating as a way to meet people I probably wouldn’t meet otherwise. 
 One of my friends is in a serious relationship (as in planning to get married and having children etc.) with a guy she met online, which I admit did help me decide to actually go ahead with it.
 There are some real weirdoes out there! I won't pretend there isn't. But the good thing about online dating is that you're not sitting face-to-face with that weirdo (hopefully). You can just ignore them or send them a message saying you're not interested. Yes, you might "judge the book by its cover" on the profiles, but you don't have to worry too much about their feelings about it (as long as you don't write abuse to them) they do the same to you.
 One guy sent me a message saying "Would you like a much older guy to be your sugar daddy once a month?" Er, NO! At least he was honest about what he wanted though…. But I do shudder at the thought. Urgh!
 I never reply to messages saying; "you're gorgeous", thank you but I'd rather have someone that's interested in getting to know me than just focus on my looks! 
 I was talking to one guy, he seemed alright to start with, we even arranged a date, but in the days leading up to the date his messages just got really needy and clingy, it doesn't sound very nice but I could tell he would be a very needy boyfriend that would ask a thousand questions about where I was going and with who every time I went somewhere. When I cancelled on him, which I hate doing but sometimes you just have to, he basically tried to make me feel guilty about it… Dude! We've not even met! I have no obligations to you. He sounded very lonely but that's not my problem and I don't want it to be.
 I have only been on two dates so far, with two different guys. I would never date more than one guy at a time so these dates have obviously been a few weeks apart. It could have been 3 dates, but one stood me up(!), his loss. 
 The one that stood me up didn't send me a message to cancel and didn't send me a message with an explanation, but he did try to message me again the next day and most recently two weeks after he stood me up, still without an explanation but wanting a second chance. I don't think so. Why should I waste my time on him again?
 So, the two dates I've actually been on: 
 One was about a month ago, the guy was really nice, we'd been messaging and texting for a while and the messages was always long because we had so much in common and so many things we wanted to tell each other. We met up, the date went fine but unfortunately there was no romantic connection there at all on my part. It felt like I was just out for dinner with a friend, I didn't want anything other than friendship from him. 
 It was the same story with my second date. We got along but there just wasn't that romantic attraction on my part. There has to be something there to start a relationship! Both guys took it well when I said I didn't want to see them again (not in those words but they got the message). 
 I'd like to think I'm honest but nice when I tell them I don't want to see them. I know some people tell lies. One of my friends told me to tell the first guy that I had other plans when I cancelled the second date. I don't want to do that. 1. You're making that person think the date can still be had another day, and 2. It's lying! If someone cancelled on me I'd rather they just told they didn't want to see me than pretend they were busy, I'd be more hurt by the lie and at least I’d know where I was standing with them if they just told me the truth.
 No, it doesn't feel nice to have to say to someone "I don't want to see you again" but at least you're honest, and people take it better than you think they will. When you do cancel on someone just keep in mind that you don’t have to be rude, think about how you’d feel if you got the same message from someone and compose it accordingly. You/they might think "bastard/bitch" as soon as you/they see the message but it's not like you were in a serious relationship; you don't have any obligations to each other after ONE date. Just be honest, it's not that hard.
 Anyway, I digress. 
 I'm not sure if I'll actually meet anyone I will want a relationship with on any of these dates but I do hope to meet up with some more guys, just to see what happens, maybe I'll meet my prince charming, maybe not, but I won't know until I've tried. I just hope I don't have to kiss too many more *frogs before one of them turn out to be a prince! 
 What are your thoughts on online dating?

*When I say frogs I don't refer to their looks in any way at all! All it means is that they are just “plain” frogs that don’t turn into a prince for me, but they will be someone else's magic frog.

1 comment:

Kathy said...

Absolutely a fine thing to do. Just be smart, make sure you're safe - all the things I know you're doing. I've been out with a few guys I met online - the last one for three years. It's just another avenue...... Enjoy!

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