Mistletoe & Wine?
By Nicky, web author of www.weboftangleddreams.blogspot.com
As Sir Cliff would say, Christmas time, mistletoe and wine ...
Hmm, wine is not a good thing for me to be drinking; nothing
good has ever come of me drinking wine. These episodes are
infamously known amongst my friends, or those lucky (or unlucky)
enough to be witness to these goings-on, as my “wine decisions”.
The last one ended with a belly –dancing episode that is never ever
to be repeated, or spoken of again.
Mistletoe? Hmm, again, nothing good has ever come of me brandishing a sprig of mistletoe either.
There are far too many undesirables fancying their chances at this time of year, praying on young,
single girls like little old me. And trust me, where I live, there are plenty of undesirables lurking.
Okay, I admit it, Christmas is officially a difficult time to be single. Snuggling up in front of the
fire, swapping presents, being all lovey-dovey like on the TV. But come on, how many couples are
actually that perfect and festive?
It’s a proven fact that more marriages and relationships break down at Christmas than any other
time of the year. I don’t wish to be the bringer of doom, but it’s statistically proven, if you don’t
believe me, Google it. I’m guessing the reason for this is stress and expectation. The perfect present,
the perfect day, the perfect dinner, who to spend the day with, not getting too drunk, not saying the
wrong thing. It all adds up to a day of panic and worry that knocks the stuffing (pardon the pun) out
of the cute and cuddly festive picture that Hallmark would have us believe.
It’s hard enough spending the day in extreme close proximity to your extended family, when you’re
used to coming and going and having your own space, without having to visit someone else’s and
be on your best behaviour, whilst also putting up with Uncle Sleazebag slapping your arse in a joking
manner, all in jest – of course. That smile on your face will of course be plastered on, and giving you
aching facial muscles, whilst all you can think of is how much you would really like to knee him in the
unmentionables. In jest - of course.
The bottom line is there is far too much expectation, which basically just spells inevitable failure.
People don’t like failure. I certainly don’t like failure.
So this is why, despite the picture of perfect festive coupledom, I actually prefer to be single at this
time of year.
Alright, not “prefer”, but “can see the positives”. That’s probably a more honest assessment of the
I don’t have to buy a present for someone, wracked with worry that it’s either a) not right, b) not
expensive enough, c) too expensive, d) all of the above rolled together. I don’t have to feign total joy
when presented with a gift that more than likely consists of hideous lingerie, in probably the wrong
size, and I don’t have to split my precious day between two different places, exhausting myself by
eating two Christmas dinners and having to be on my best behaviour, when I could be vegged out
on my own sofa, snuggling up to a tin of Celebrations and watching Disney films on the TV, or Only
Fools & Horses, whichever comes first.
I can also get myself totally glammed up into extreme sequin sparkledom, and grab that badly-
advised mistletoe, inviting whichever young dude I see fit to join me underneath it. This I will admit
comes with the unfortunate downside of having to throw the above mentioned mistletoe in the
nearest bin when the undesirables come a-knocking, which they do, you try it, they’re like moths to
a flame. But the point is, I can do it, if I want, because I don’t have to answer to anyone.
If you are attached this Christmas, please don’t do what my friend does every year – “aww, don’t
worry hun, at least you can spend the money you’d have spent on a guy’s present, on you”. Hmmm,
condescending much? Methinks so. But actually, she has a point, so I took that as permission to go
and buy a new pair of shoes.
Equally, if you’re single this yuletide, don’t get so drunk at your office party that you do a Bridget
Jones, i.e. karaoke with glass in one hand, microphone in the other, singing I Will Always Love You,
or even worse, All By Myself. Dignity nil.
I guess the bottom line is, single, attached, somewhere in between, complicated relationship,
whatever, there are pros and cons to each. I will not have a worse Christmas than my married
friends, and vice versa. We will all fall out with someone, we will all get too drunk at some stage
and say something inappropriate, we will all eat too much, feel sick and get debilitating indigestion,
we will all make some comment about the Queen’s speech and we will all be sick of eating Turkey
by Boxing Day. The thing that matters is that we spend it with someone we love, whether that be a
husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends or the dog. It may not be perfect, but things very
So Happy Christmas everyone .... now pass me the Quality Street.
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