Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Guest post: What becomes of the broken hearted?

What becomes of the broken hearted?
By Nicky Curtis
Web author of Little Miss Dreamer

There are two certainties in life:

  1. You are born, and then at some stage you die. There’s no point trying to run away from this happy little fact, you can’t beat the grim reaper, so deal with it.
  2. You will have your heart broken into tiny smithereens somewhere along the way, whether you try to avoid it or not.

It’s a cheerful old life isn’t it?

There’s not a lot you can do about the first one, this is the deal you make when you enter into this world. You might not remember agreeing to this trade off, I don’t, at the time I was more concerned about the bright lights and screaming, but it really is the inevitable. So we’ll waste no more time arguing the pros and cons of that, because unless you make a deal with the devil, which I wouldn’t advise, then really you’re stuck with it.

Certainty number two however, is an event you could try to avoid, but sooner or later it will catch up with you, and if a person doesn’t do the breaking, then the loneliness will do it for you. Whichever way you spin it, basically you’re screwed.

So as Robson and Jerome sang, or whoever they stole the song from, what becomes of the broken hearted? This is a question I’m particularly keen to know the answer to, because right now my own beating heart is struggling to heal itself and any help would be greatly received.

I don’t regret the events that led to my heat being trampled on until it screamed, I opened myself up to a person I believed to be worthy of my love. He seems to be unworthy right now, although I am ever hopeful and believe that one day he’ll come good. Regardless of that, I am hurt, I am broken, and in need of fixing. The overwhelming feeling, other than ouch, is confusion. Why? I don’t understand how someone’s feeling can go from 10 and then back down to zero, mine certainly haven’t. His decisions and moods give me whiplash and deep down I know I deserve better. But can we choose who we fall in love with? I really don’t think so.

I guess that is where the problem lies.

I, like a lot of girls, am a sucker for a bad boy. Good boys don’t interest me. I like the drama, I like the excitement, I like the flattery. Yes, with that comes an element of risk, but there’s always the hope that maybe he’ll fall in love, maybe you’ll be the one to make him change.

I’ve never been a girl that thinks they’ll change, once a bad boy, always a bad boy really, but I do believe there’s some good in everyone. And that, ladies and gentleman, right there, that is why I get hurt. Because I am naive, I am stupid and I think the best of people. Not all people are good. Not all people are capable of love. Not all people are trustworthy. And not all people can be trusted with your heart.

I clearly don’t know the difference between the two species.

If you’ve ever been in this situation, you’ll know that around the time this life-altering event happens to you, everyone else in the vicinity seems to undergo some sort of positive change in their relationship/find a new love/get married etc, and you are left wondering what the hell you did to deserve it. I’m beginning to wonder whether I did something really terrible in a previous life and karma is now making me pay. The result of this sudden out-pouring of love to other people and the cup seriously running dry in your direction, is loneliness. And loneliness approximately one month prior to Christmas is not a good thing.

It will be lonely this Christmas indeed. It would have been if things were going well, considering he lives in Turkey and I live in England, but at least I would have felt something back. Right now, I feel like he’s slammed a door in my face, and I wonder if I will ever recover.
I’m assured that things will get better. I have many arguments to the contrary and unless my emotions undergo some sort of major overhaul akin to a DIY SOS transformation, then I think next year will be as difficult as this one.

What am I dreading most? Seeing him again, with someone else. Going to the place I met him, where I always go, and feeling his presence even though he’s not stood in front of me. Missing him forever more and never getting over it. Never meeting anyone else who makes me feel the way he did. I think that’s the worst one. He gave me a taste of happiness and whipped it away.

So what does become of the broken hearted?

Well, I guess look around, every person you see will either be suffering from one, recovering from one, had one, or be about to have one. I guess at the end of the day, we’re all in the same boat.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Well, they say love makes the world go around. Maybe we have to risk heartbreak to find true love.

See, I told you it was a cheerful old life ….

Like what you read?
(It’s usually much more cheerful, I promise!)

1 comment:

Kaby said...

Nicely written sad post by your friend. Tell her not to close herself up to avoid being hurt again. There are too many damaged people in the world who have chosen to respond that way. Those of us who are open to getting hurt and accept its inevitability in life, are the ones who love the most - and we wouldn't want the world to miss out on all that love. Chin up! Keep open!


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