Sunday, 12 February 2012

Is this what they call homesickness??

I had my first "I want to go home" thought yesterday.

I don't think it was anything in particular that brought it on. It was more of a realization that I don't have a proper places to live, I don't have a job, and although I still don't know what I want to study I know I can't do it on the visa I'm currently on.

So I feel a bit lost at the minute, and I know I have to find a job so that I won't have to spend all my savings, but it's going to be hard to get a job because I can only work for a few months. The jobs that will be okay with me just working for a few months are jobs I don't want to do. But I guess it's only for a few short months so I shouldn't worry about it.

I also realized something else when I had my "I want to go home" though. The "home" I thought about was England. Not any particular place in England, but England none the less. Even though my family is in Norway, it is England that feels like home to me. Maybe any other place in the UK would be good too, but since I've only ever lived in England I wouldn't know.

I want to go back, study, get a job, "settle down". That doesn't mean stop travelling by the way, but having a home to come back to. I want to live life the "ordinary" way. The way most people do.

I've never felt this way before. I've wanted to go back to England, but never this strongly. I don't know if it's homesickness or just me wanting to start my life. Because I don't miss any particular people or places (a whole country can't be called a particular place, can it?). Well, I do miss people of course, just not enough to make me want to go back to them.

People think I live such an exciting an fun life and that I can do whatever I want, and yes; it is, and I can, it it is also really stressful and even boring at times. I don't regret doing this at all, it's a great experience and I wouldn't be without it, but maybe it would have been enough with 6 months?

If I had just worked for 3 months, or not worked at all, just travelled, I would still have had time to see all the things I want to see here.

Not meeting anyone to "distract" me would have helped too of course, but where is the fun in that? I have done the whole "I don't want to meet anyone because I'm travelling", and it's not fun. Even though things are the way they are with TP, and it probably won't work out between us, if somebody offered me to go back in time I would do it all again.

I like Australia. I like the people, the weather and I like being here, but I don't want to live here.

I could of course book an early ticket back home, I have enough money for it. But. I still haven't see everything I want to see here, and I would kick myself if I didn't see it, and I have also already booked my ticket to go home in July.

I will enjoy the rest of my stay in Australia, but I am also looking forward to leaving.

1 comment:

Kaby said...

Maybe you're just evolving into the next stage of your life. Maybe it's maturity as much as homesickness. I raise my glass to you, hoping the next adventure is fulfilling for you.


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